Helping players and coaches see the light about the benefits of a growth mind set at some point will run into the opponent of growth, which is egotism. While every person has an ego, not every person has the same need to defend, feed, fear, and obey the thoughts generated by our egos. The literature on the fixed mindset does a great job of address the aspects of our persona that is viewable to the public. Often there is discussion about how the public image is the motivator, but I am starting to believe that ego (self image) is the motivator and the fixed mind set is the protector and fuel of the ego.
A story: Working with a player the other day I told her that another kid from our club would be joining us to work on some hitting. This player immediately replied “Oh! Great now I can look like crap hitting next to her”. She and I have worked together for a while and she knows the difference between a fixed and growth mind set. I looked at her and said, “repeat that again”. She repeated the statement and got a touch embarrassed. Then, she started to defend the beliefs that she created with the statement. Sadly, her defense was based on a self-defeating prophecy that in her mind was certainly going to become the reality. The player’s defense sounded something like “She is better than I am and I will look lame hitting next to her.” After listening to her and telling her that anyone can accomplish anything, I was left to wonder whose judgment she is so concerned about. This player also knows that I am not going to judge her and that I am know she can work and become as accomplished as the other player. The other player coming in is a nice kid and supportive of everyone, so, she should not be worried about her. What was going on here? Ultimately, she was putting her own ego in danger and she was trying to cope with the stress. Her private thoughts of inferiority lead to her thoughts of public humiliation.
Often in the “mindset community” of coaches, I hear that public perceptions are the motivation for everything. However, I am personally stating to believe that our ego or ones “private self” is the real perpetrator. Here is a quote to make the point, African proverb: “When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” Ego is the greatest opponent and it is really hard to tell the difference between our ego and our own internal voice of reason. How often has a player or coach given a weak effort, rationalized excuses, blamed, and avoided a situation that they felt endangered their own sense of self worth? We all do it too often is the answer. Figuring out how to help players over come the egos voice of fear needs to be part of our goal.
Self-image has a private and public component. How we see ourselves (private), and how we want to be seen (public), are the forces behind our ego. The Jahori Window Theory gives a great diagram of how this plays out. Under the column, “know to self” you will see Open (public knowledge/image) and Hidden (private knowledge/self-image) these are the two areas in which our ego makes decisions that are designed to keep us feeling good about ourselves. What seems to be key here is the power of the open self to feed the needs of the hidden self. The Blind area on the chart are things about our self that other extrapolate from our actions and this are can yield positive and negative behaviors. This “Blind Spot” creates some fear and anxiety for our ego. The blind spot is where as a coach things often go wrong. When, person hears feedback that is out of line with their self-image/intentions there is usually a defensive reaction. This ego defense can greatly hamper learning and progress. When this situation persists, the egos defense goes on the offense and at that point, coach ability and cooperation are dead.
Helping players see what is really in their blind spot is a tricky thing, and a principal that can help us understand how people see themselves is the understanding that “we judge others by their actions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions”. To understand a person’s motivating thoughts you cannot simply look at their actions. Even when we believe, we understand their attitudes their actions may not be consistent with their overt attitude. According to the Theory of Reasoned Action (Fishbein and Ajzen) we must first understand a person’s “intentions” to predict their actions. Our personal beliefs about the need actions and outcome of our actions, is balanced against the pressure we feel from others and what society tells us about our actions and their results. This all turns into a reaffirming message to our ego, if I do this in this way for these reasons I will believe I am this “X” kind of person. X is the intention by which we judge our self, and the public will see I am person “X” also. Can it be that ego plays a larger role in our intentions? Do we intent to win at all costs (because I am a winner), or do we want to beat others down to lift ourselves up? Do I, intent to do my best and learn from the experience?
The other day I watched a movie by director Guy Richie titled “Revolver”. It turns out to be just as good as his other work and this movies twist is that it deals with the human ego. At the end of the movie, you reflect and understand how ego has driven every characters actions good or bad. There is also interview footage with professionals in the psychologically field. Here is a clip that explains the battle of ego that is played out in the movie.
In the clip the actor Jason Statham is being taught a lesson about his ego and he doesn't know it, you will see that he thinks he is in control but infact Vince Pastore & Andre Benjamin are helping him understand that the real "opponent" he is fighting is his own ego.
In the clip the actor Jason Statham is being taught a lesson about his ego and he doesn't know it, you will see that he thinks he is in control but infact Vince Pastore & Andre Benjamin are helping him understand that the real "opponent" he is fighting is his own ego.
